What the hell have I been doing? Well, still posting on socials all the time. Rambling about the usual video game, being goofy and assertive/trollish about my opinions. Working overtime. Where have I been? I’ve been with the cats. I started volunteering again for my local no-kill animal shelter Heartland again. Even though I work 8.5 hours per day, and even though it takes me 30 minutes to get home, and 30 minutes one way to get to where I volunteer, I do it. On a weekday, thats 7am wake up, ~5pm or later dinner, and 2 hours of volunteer work after, getting home around 7:30pm. 12 hours.

There was a litter of kittens that got quickly adopted that I tended to for a bit. They were released for adoption with a disclosure at my insistence, as the three remaining all had bowel issues / diarrhea. Sure kittens are aggressive when eating, but this was a bit much. Eating others food, and then pushing to get to the fresh water right away. I feel like I made a mistake last Friday volunteering by not paying enough attention to them or feeding them right. It didn’t seem like the kittens were lethargic or anything, I didn’t notice any loose stools. The following day however, it was evident they were not well. I did the proper paperwork and informed staff. I was scheduled again the Sunday after, brought fresh linens in, and had to clear the litter boxes three times. I felt so bad for these kittens. They were being adopted the next day though, so I know (hope) they are going to be handled well.

The remaining cats are “two years old” (that’s the general guess, no one can say for sure unless cats are surrendered). Two are a bonded pair and one is a neutered stray. I picked up the Friday and Saturday shifts again, working two hours each shift, scrubbing cages, changing litter, changing linens, feeding, making sure they’re drinking. Then I’ll sit for a bit and try to play. The larger black fuzzy boy (pictured in the main post) loves to be brushed, but also doesn’t hesitate to hiss if its not on his terms. He’s allegedly bonded with another small tabby girl, but she seems a bit timid and shy around people and sometimes the big boy himself. Either way, she’s responsive to play and I do what I can to interact with them.

The stray is a scroungy orange tabby tomcat, named after the street he was found at. If I didn’t have the two girls I already have, I would adopt this boy. The danger with reformed ferals however, is they never really can be truly domesticated. My last cat was adopted as a feral at 5 years old after having a batch of kittens. She stole food often from the counters, quickly sneaking into grocery bags, even items on top of the fridge. Most cats are just too smart for their own good. However, I kind of over exerted myself doing all of this work.

At the same time, there’s been lifting and movement for a ton of boxes and items to remodel the computer office per my husbands wishes (and well, its been ten years). I had come down with a head cold and heart palpitations in spite of little to no caffeine. I maybe mis-dosed a med one day, having to leave work early. I had slept in my car, and my husband came to pick me up. I slept for many hours and just now at the middle of the week starting to recover. That won’t stop me though. The cats need help, and attention. I want to be there for them, so I picked up two more shifts on the 28th and 29th.

What this level of dedication has done, the work within the home, has completely detached me from any and all availability to MMORPGs. No more WoW, no more XIV. Do I miss it I wonder? I don’t think so. I would spend my time logging in, watching players stand around, bot, and realize I was waiting in line to get into a dungeon that would take 15 minutes. Or do a boss encounter that would take 15 minutes; that players may fail. My attention turned elsewhere, to the cats, and to casual games like Ravenswatch. Sessions lasting no more than two hours, I could play with friends and enjoy a good roguelike. I recently bought Possessor(s), a collaboration between one of my favorite games – Hyper Light Drifter; the dev Heartmachine, and also Delvolver, behind Hotline Miami. I play my one or two hour session of games. I watch my one hour or so of streamers. Now, I also volunteer and take extra care of cats.

All of this obviously comes at the heavy expense of time. I’ve already driven myself to exhaustion once, but I am too stubborn and motivated to stop. I am hoping that at least, this is some kind of way to keep myself physically active as I live the life of a sedentary desk-worker. I need to walk and move. It’s hard to wake up in the morning, who has the time for this? And well, I am slowly realizing I have to make time for myself. Self care, exercise, the endless struggle. I want to do more, but I don’t have time or energy. The cats however, always give me energy and reason. I don’t know why, but I just want to be there for them. So hopefully, I can convince myself to stay healthy for them and my own cats too. And hopefully they keep me active, as I continue to bog myself down with chores and video games, side projects, and attempting to keep open communications with family.

The years have actually been slowing down for me. Time feels like it is slipping away; but I’m aware of it. My body is aging, there are pains that I have to monitor. I’m getting bruises all the time. I have to stop caffeine. My vices? Somehow, at the end of this year, have all but vanished. The MMO and caffeine being the two biggest offenders. I still want to do more though. There’s never enough time, and there’s so many cats out there that need me. So I’m working through the pain, letting reality wear me down and tear up my body while I can still handle it (hopefully). Dedicating myself to this gives me purpose after all.

As for the games? It’s odd, that well… I’m enjoying them. I think back and it’s been a long time since I really enjoyed playing one. Here I am now reading into several new games, playing with close friends again. This will be my final vice. The last dragon to slay – being responsible about my time, and going to bed early. So I can do all those things that mean so much to me. Spend time with the cats, away from the screen.