I was at my wits end. I had another “quarterly crash out” at someone… well, about something that seems relatively minor. Something that shouldn’t have bothered me so much. Unfortunately, these things matter more to me when they come from someone I know and respect. I expect better from them. I expect better of myself, too. So there’s plenty I don’t bring up in conversation or online spaces. Admittedly, that’s left me feeling a bit empty. Unfulfilled. Like, who can I talk to anymore Those who do engage in “chat” sometimes… well, people don’t really engage properly. I think that the art of conversation (online) is lost. Or maybe it never existed. I think now, it’s just different. You used to be able to just sort of “pop in” and become part of a conversation. Now it seems the norm to “derail”, “ragebait”, “vent”. One liners off the cuff, from the dark, with little to no substance. That contribute… nothing. Consider the “gif spammers” who actually seem to lack all social skills; they do not know how to engage at any level. Yet they seek to “be apart of something” without attempting to learn, don’t digest what they are reading, or try to understand what the subject of the chat may be. These “gif spammers” (see: old reaction image posters) seek attention, are mostly harmless, but do “derail” sometimes. They’re pests to me.
That’s not what I’m getting at however. That stuff is easy to ignore without full-on blocking someone (unless it’s deranged, crude, suggestive, violent… or AI). I’m talking about chatting. Like, the old ways. How do you DM/PM someone for example? Do you say “hello” first? Right like, you greet. Inquire… the command was /query in IRC after all. So, how do you speak in person? You greet. The same way. However – in person, how do you inject yourself into an ongoing conversation? What proper mannerisms, behaviors are involved? Obviously, you don’t want to jump in and start talking immediately. You can, with the right people maybe… generally, you would pop into the side of the circle and maybe gesture a wave. Let someone finish talking, and… greet. Inquire what is being discussed. “Pardon me”. Or, stand and listen. Wait for the right time. Eye contact? Read the room. If you can’t get in, get out. It’s fine. Don’t take it personally. It’s never about you (and more on this later).
Now that we’ve established etiquette, how does this translate online, in an open public space? Furthermore, how many more people are you potentially engaging with? This matters a lot. 20? 100? 4000? For some people, I imagine they’re self conscious or anxious in large spaces full of a lot of people both online, and in person. They are self aware. Maybe they are a more patient speaker, think about what they say, and are genuine. You can tell most of the time, especially in person, if someone is quiet and polite. Confidence does come through in speech; however text can be interpreted different ways depending on the state of mind of the reader, too. For example: “What do you mean by that?” or just “what do you mean by that” typed in a hurried rush. Is it: a genuine, harmless query? “I’m not sure I understand, what do you mean when you say that?” Or, is it: “That’s ridiculous, what do you even mean by that?!”. That sort of issue still is not what I’m getting at though, and barely scratches the surface of problems we face daily when communicating online.
You see… what bothers me most, what set me off – was blatant negativity, an immediate expression of rage, and conflation of real world issues into “the general”. Blanket statements. “Fuck this and that”. Or worse, entitlement. It cascaded during one day in particular, maybe across two. Now, let me preface this by saying this is an individual that believes in the practice of “social media breaks” or “offline breaks” for extended periods of time, perhaps one month or so. They then return as if refreshed and having new perspective, visiting the same pool full of detritus they had left before. What’s the goal here anyway? Ok so you drained it. Is the pool really cleaner? Are you going to keep it that way? This, I never quite understood. You got out of the pool to use the restroom, but you’re still wading into piss. No amount of chlorine is going to fix that. But maybe you think the mix of the chemical smell nostalgic, so you welcome it.
Now in this space, not many have safeties on their triggers. Me either, really. This individual posts an article, into the general channel (there is a channel for more sensitive topics like politics, btw). It’s paywalled. Only a short summary of an embed is seen. Ironic and sad, it seems a driver complaining roads were too narrow wanted them widened. This impacted pedestrians. The city then had wanted to narrow the road again to protect pedestrians. The driver that complained that the roads were too narrow, in a twist of fate, killed a pedestrian. The posters only comment: “Fuck cars and drivers”. Bang. Pardon me? Like, okay… and? All the poster has done, has expressed their extreme anger at the situation, gone on to essentially blame all cars and drivers for the circumstances. What is the expected result? A rallying cry? Now am I to go at war with you against the mass of commuters? What’s the goal here exactly? I get that you’re upset, but this was posted out of context, missing information, and frankly – with unhinged commentary. Well as it turns out, it wasn’t completely this drivers fault. They were rear ended and launched onto the sidewalk. No reckless driving. So, friend – am I tasked with soothing you? Culling your rage?
Before moving on – let’s step back and take this as a learning opportunity. How should this individual have brought this up? It’s certainly allowed, and worthy of discussion. But maybe a bit sensitive. Next time, maybe they should think about what channel they are posting into, and who the audience is. To begin: expression of frustration can be short, but it should be blunted – not sharp. “Ugh, this is terrible” – offer context before posting. “I’m tired of reading things like this”. “This is exhausting”. Okay, you’re frustrated! Everyone knows that now. You’ve given people the opportunity to engage. Open statement: I am complaining, and frustrated at this. Ball in the crowds court: Do they relate? Maybe not. Maybe there’s no response. That’s okay! That doesn’t invalidate your post, maybe we don’t want to hear about it or talk about it. That’s why posting it in the right area and knowing your audience helps!! Now, we can choose to engage, and know how to engage: “Oh these issues are terrible” – “I have roads near me like this too”. When you just post a link, short summary, headline, and a sharp “fuck you XYZ” (you must assume that part of your audience are potentially insulted) the opening statement immediately alters the intonation of the response to match your own. Okay, you’re pissed. We hear you loud and clear. I picture you holding that torch. I’m not obliged to hold one for you, dude. “Not your personal army” some elderly may say, even though this may not necessarily apply to the situation.
Later on, we learn that they are now on a plane headed to Asia. They’ve prefaced concern about receiving some kind of voucher without anything apparent going wrong. Sitting on the tarmac waiting? Relatable! Sucks to hear. Not much substance, not much else can be said. An hour later, a minor annoyance: the whiskey on the flight isn’t quite up to par. Jack Daniels isn’t good enough. It is laughable to them how terrible it is, actually. It’s okay though, luckily there was a better whiskey available. A chatter mentions scotch. Normal exchange, no harm. To me? This is pretty snooty. I quip that maybe they’ll always be left disappointed, as the bottom shelf to them may be top shelf to the majority. Nothing wrong here I think. But also, no real substance. We’re not making conversation. We’re entertaining your complaints. Is that all these people are here for anyway, to entertain you? I guess, on a plane, that makes sense. You’re bored. It’s kind of feeling like a one way street right now, though. I don’t think a lot of people can relate to being on a flight to Asia and well… complaining about the quality of whiskey. You’re entitled to that experience though of course.
Learning experience two: It’s on me for engaging! My bad. I potentially soured the mood. At least I bluntly stated my thought and didn’t carry on further. I definitely shouldn’t have engaged, though. I don’t drink. Well, I used to drink, but I was never so picky. But sensitive subject. I can’t relate. Beside being snooty, this exchange was definitely about no one else but them. Main character. Fool me once, though. I felt forced into engaging. After all, I am bored too.
Four and a half hours later. Bang. Shots fired. Erupting once again, out of no where, a wildly shocking statement: “fatass americans with no body awareness keep bumping into me in my aisle seat, holy fuck man”. Listen, my social circle? Not exactly patriotic. Certainly, we do not love “our country” nor the current administration. This – this comment however, was just the equivalent of crunching up a hot chip into my daily stew and stirring vigorously. The intonation from this text was a vibrant and colorful red flag. Bulls on parade. Now, of course, I’m the one that “let the stirring happen” right? I let it bother me. The safety was already off, so I fire back (not that I particularly took offense, but rather the statement was so negative and ragebaity, how could I control my own inhibitions, I’m off twitter for a reason). “Certainly this isn’t restricted to just americans”. I do the scummy thing and try to race bait. We’re aiming at a nationality here, why shoot the foot? Aim for the head, right? Others chime in, agreeing with the poster. “Yeah, it is mostly americans”. “Dumbass americans” another corrects. What was simmered was a rolling boil. “American tourists are widely regarded among the worst. idk why this is contentious.” Here’s the thing: Not only is the take cold, dead and tired – they had a bad experience on a plane, the same one nearly everyone has had and heard before. It’s completely relatable. The issue is how the situation was presented (brought up) and the fact that (to me), this person has been acting narcissistic the entire day. At least, that’s how I read it. That’s my problem. I get it. You feel me? But also, read what you type again before pressing enter. Think about how it sounds in your head first. Then think about how it’s going to be potentially interpreted. Are we just persona de facto friendos, bots here to absorb your negative energies? That’s how it feels. If you think this sort of statement is conducive to conversation; it’s not. And if it does spark one, it’s gonna be a bad time. You’re seeing red, so everyone else should too. Your statement is a revolting, beaten, dead horse. At the same time, certainly my reply isn’t warranted. You’re typing like you’re on 4chan though, so pardon me. Replying in kind.
Let’s dial it back: What do I mean “how it was presented”? Well as I stated, we’re not exactly going to have a conversation about this. Much less a happy one. Secondly, this is not how you start a conversation. Forethought on engagement was null. There was only negative cause and effect, and that is all that could ever have resulted from that sort of outrage. Bitterness. My chair got bumped. Let me unlock my phone, wire my psyche/id directly to the screen, and dump that out on you. No impulse control. Don’t force people into your world. I’m not on your stage. At least, I may not want to be. Remove some colorful language. You know, less adjectives? More subject (substance). “Great, a person just bumped into my seat again”. “I’m sure it wasn’t intentional there friend! What seat are you in? Oh, an aisle seat? That sucks. Been there! Probably just trying to sleep on a long flight, lol. What can you do!”. To think, this statement after complaints about the quality of whiskey. I’m probably the only one who wants this guy to shut up at this point honestly. So much for coping mechanisms, inner monologue. No, we’ve got a demon tablet tapped into our impulse drive that spits out every negative thought like an RSS feed with no regards to filters. “Guess I just wont complain then”. No, I don’t think you should. Not like this. There’s a LOT of privilege in your life, bud. Reality check though – this person could at least understand me. Like, English. They also responded correctly, they let go.
It’s extremely depressing to attempt conversation and have your words just… misinterpreted. Admittedly, I have little to no tolerance for individuals who attempt to engage in conversation who cannot read. Rather, they don’t know what they are reading – people don’t know the meaning of the words. I say “rooted”. Reader interprets “based”. These are similar words. But they are different words with different meanings. AI slop will tell you they are exactly the same. They are not. “Root” is part. “Base” is whole. I’m not talking about the trunk of a tree dude. I’m talking about a piece that helped it grow into what it is. “Based” emphasizes the foundation or support on which something is built. “Rooted” emphasizes the deep connection or origin of something. “Based” is more objective and factual. “Rooted” can carry a subjective or emotional connotation. “Based” can refer to something that is currently established or founded. “Rooted” can also imply a historical or long-standing connection. That’s maybe why my I am at my wits end to begin with. I am not arguing anything! Why must discussion be a debate? This an argument? No, it’s not!! Honestly, if I say “you are not worth engaging with” it is the truth because you do not understand me. You do not understand the words I am saying! I already submit to your objectives, because my statement was subjective. Insert whatever you want – it does not change the subjective “root” of my original statement!! How can you come at me and say “your root is wrong”. It is subjective! There’s no engagement to be had. I even provide sources, interesting reads, different influences. In the context of this conversation that was related to game development I could have even sourced interviews. Yet NONE of the discussion implied an entire BASIS for this game. Pathetic.
As for me, more reason to distance. Pardon me, I’ll have some more respect. I’ll try not to shut you down so quickly. For the love of god though, could anyone please read what they type before pressing enter, read what I wrote before replying? Let’s chat, not start a goddamn war. You’re probably already on my blocklist if you’re acting like such a fool.
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