It’s easy to get caught up in a negative connotation saying things like “it’s waste of time”. In fact, no time is wasted when you are happy. That’s difficult for a lot of people – to be happy. The start of this year, I was a void. I had terrible feelings (emotional). I felt sick, ignored family. Wrapped tightly in my own baggage, I trapped myself within a small sphere of MMOs and social media. Both of which rapidly turned dark, depraved, and so I became empty. At the very start of 2025, I woke up at dawn, early, before 5am. Depression had sunk in. I did something I never have done before. I made a short mix of anime scenes to music that helped me express these dark feelings.

Within the next three months, I was addicted to MMO’s and social media. I hated my job(s). Impending doom was a front rolling in, knowing the state of affairs of my country. All of it felt like a self fulfilling prophecy. Suicides. Discrimination. Hatred, unfiltered, that I had never witnessed before. One by one, like branches from a tree, people around me started to break off. Not all of them fell off, some I had broken myself. I felt the hatred and the emotional burdens that came with people. It’s weight I realized I could not carry. I was losing myself. Frustrated, working two jobs, I intentionally lost one job and walked out of the other shortly after. Luckily, I found hope in a new part time job, which I eventually was able to go full time at.

Once I had established a routine, dedicated myself to *me* and me alone, light broke through the clouds. The dark side of social media – I escaped. MMOs, I realized I wasn’t having fun playing them. I was always pressured. It was sad to leave, but I am so happy I did. By October, I was free. The first real, true time in my life where I was fully conscious. Self aware. Grounded. Sober. Suddenly, the time I thought I had – vanished. What was 3 hours of dedication to MMOs per night, mindless doom scrolling, became furious motivation. I wanted to read, watch, write, play, do, learn. Ideas and motivation flooded me. I reconnected with old friends. They never left, they invited me to play casual games. No schedule or expectation.

End of year, now, I start to appreciate these transient moments. Short, and sweet. No time wasted. I am clean, I am organized, I feel good about myself, my body, my family. This is… a challenging thing. It has it’s own weight. I am bright, I am beaming, I am full of energy. But now, I cast shadows. Not everyone can match that brightness. So, in reflection, maybe I need to tone it down. I know what it’s like after all. “Just stop being sad” isn’t a thing. However, coping is something learned, not taught. No one knows what someone else might be going through. Human decency. While it seems like a lost cause, I still have this faith that lost souls can be saved. That someone out there cares. That people know I care. At the same time, I realize I can’t save anyone. What I can do is be happy, and be there in some capacity.

Looking back, I can also clearly see missed opportunity. This year was an amazing time for gaming and anime. While I’ve missed a lot, I have a lot more to look forward too. I’m taking my time to read about these things (somehow remaining unspoiled) and make time for them. I have priorities, I have plans to make. I have people to see. It’s not too late to enjoy life. The time before now, it wasn’t wasted either. I was happy at some point. You just have to know when to move on. Keep yourself. Make sure you’re happy, because you come first. There’s really not much else to say.